Posted by Sandra I 6 December 2011
Leadership is Not About You
3 Tips to Escape the Self-Consciousness Trap
There was a time when I believed that to be successful as a leader you must be shamelessly self-promoting, impress everyone with your knowledge and have more experience than any of your team members. As I wasn’t able to live up to any of these qualities, this wasn’t a particularly smart way to think. And when I landed a peachy role that stretched me in ways I had never have imagined possible, I very nearly became seriously unstuck.
I cringe at the memory. I willingly said ‘yes’ to every sparkly new initiative that came along assuming that was the way to stay firmly on the corporate radar. I believed that in order to get on in my career I had fit into a particular mould, copy the way others did it, even though it felt false and not at all ‘me’. And I did a great impression of a competent manager who was always in control even although, truthfully, I was quietly freaking out.
In fact I was up to my neck in it most days, drowning in niff naff and trivia, getting caught up in time wasting side-issues, and sitting in a lot of vacuous, unproductive meetings, rather than focusing on the higher level needs of the business and making headway in my job.
It was only when I almost wore myself out with the stress of getting nowhere and never feeling ‘good enough’ that I decided finally, I’d had more than enough – of me! I wanted to kick other people’s opinions into touch. I wanted to break free of the “shoulds” and “musts” of my internal chatter. I wanted to act on my instincts, use my talents, trust in myself and get into action in ways that were more liberating and powerful, and brought results.
It was the light bulb moment I needed – at last!
Breaking Free From The Self-Consciousness Trap
The day I decided to forget about myself and focus on getting out there with everything I had to offer, no matter what, was the day I broke free from the trap of self- consciousness.
As soon as I started to divert my focus and my energy to getting into positive, meaningful action; really making a difference; being prepared to take risks; forgetting about what other people thought; enjoy being ‘me’, while leading others to perform at their best, amazing things started to happen.
My team started to function at a completely different level, their efforts helping to make bottom line improvement to business performance. Whereas I had previously anticipated insurmountable problems and opposition, I attracted enthusiasm and support from the most unexpected sources. My confidence grew with each new step forward and I learned how to get comfortable with mistakes and failure. It didn’t matter anymore what other people thought, because I finally felt at ease with myself and my own worth.
And here’s the thing. I didn’t have to take a confidence building course, or read a self-help book. Nobody helped me or told me what to do. The painful moment of truth dawned when it became clear that my situation was only going to get worse, not better, if I continued to worry, keep defending my position and play safe. So I took a deep breath, resolved to change my attitude and finally committed myself to giving success a chance.
3 Confidence Building Tips
Believing in yourself on the inside becomes easier and more natural once you start to get into the driving seat of your leadership, decide what you really want to accomplish, and then allow evidence of your talents and efforts to materialise in the outside world.
So if you struggle with self-belief and know its holding you back, here are 3 confidence-building tips that can help.
1. Play to win, instead of “not to lose”
Remember that in the real world, your leadership is measured mainly by what you do, not who you are. No matter what you do, whether you succeed or fail, you create momentum and there is always something positive to be gained from that. Dare to do something, no matter how small. Staying safe on the side-lines is a sure road to nowhere.
2. Notice who you are becoming
“Who you are” starts to emerge, once you get into action, generate results and create an impact. Start to become aware of what’s important to you, what gives you energy, what you do particularly well and where you get most satisfaction. You will learn and grow from your experiences. The information that you gather will be your satellite navigation system for your future. Trust it.
3. Be aware of “the voices” and take nothing for granted
Learn to discriminate between the voice of wisdom which drives you forward, and the discouraging chatter of limiting thoughts and beliefs that more often drag you back. These are not just yours, but the views and opinions of others, even well-meaning others. When your gut is trying to tell you something, pay attention to it rather than dismissing it in favour of someone else’s sacred cow.
What I hadn't appreciated fully at this time, and only later discovered, was that giving myself permission to be be myself and lead in a way that was meaningful to me, gave me the courage and the clarity of purpose that I needed to in order step up and make an impact.
If you feel you could benefit from a clearer sense of purpose and want to lead authentically and with more confidence, so that your business can reap the benefits, please do get in touch. I'd love to talk.
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